Some of my recent experiences/behaviour worries me. It concerns some instances of my preference for Back-Up Boy (BUB) over my boyfriend, The Boy.

What I can say
* I could tell BUB about my recent frustrations with Ray. (The latter recklessly got drunk and blabbed about me to my co-workers.) BUB was sympathetic and soothing. The Boy probably was mad at Ray but pointed out that I should not have taken a job where I have a friend working there. He’s hated that Ray got me into his company, as if Ray and I ever see each at work.
* Let’s just say that I got exposed for toting a fake designer accessory in a moderately shameful way. I could tell BUB about it but I couldn’t tell The Boy. The Boy would prickle me and remind me how I lost a real designer accessory that he gave me.

What I can bring him to
* I un-invited The Boy from Kiki’s birthday dinner. Truth be told, I’m friends with her through BUB and The Boy sees her even less while he doesn’t disapprove of her (her friends are annoying). I wanted to be BUB’s “date” for the evening but Party-Hardy Girl crashed the party and became his “date”. I had to talk to Affie and I’m pretty sure I was more vivacious and our table had more fun.
* I encouraged The Boy to decline going on a boating event because we would have to set out early in the morning. Now BUB and I can share a boat! The Boy’s disapproval of the organizer manifests in us breaking away from the group on more occasions than I care for.

But, does BUB reciprocate and favour me in some of his choices? I’m afraid he doesn’t. =(

I want to make a timely post about the event so this may be a little rushed and sloppier than my usual, er, high standards.

In attendance:
* Backup Boy (BUB) who lost a silly bet
* Party Hardy Girl (PHG) who won the stupid bet
* The Boy’s BFF#2, Choran, who provided his house as a venue
* Candy, Choran’s new girlfriend of whom I do not approve, and BUB’s new friend via PHG
* Gameboy, BUB’s oldest friend
* awo, new friend of BUB’s via PHG
* Two girls new to BUB via PHG, they don’t speak our language so I don’t think they can be significant
* juta, whom BUB met at his first singles event and rejected his ass after he desperately tried to date her
* Heather, a sensible girl not quite part of the group but met them before, whom BUB met at his second singles event
* Si, Choran’s good friend and BUB’s acquaintance
* KF, some new friend via PHG
* The Boy’s BFF#4, Bert, and Choran’s good buddy
* Cedric, Choran’s good friend and BUB’s acquaintance
* Libby, BUB’s “new” friend via PHG whom BUB tried to date
* The Boy, after much delay and wheedling from me

Missing:
* Gameboy’s new girlfriend of a few months, her skin colour is wrong anyways
* Gora Guy, BUB’s long-time friend who is too tall and loud and Anglophone and of the wrong skin colour
* Girlfight Girl (GFG) sent her regrets that she could not come as “the cause is one close to her heart” - bullshit. She would know better than to spectate on the mess
* The Boy’s BFF#3, Groom, and Choran’s good friend
* King, BUB’s good friend who seems to never make it out except to intimate gatherings

Given I was invited to the event a while ago where, by the way, the guys did not dress as pimps, I had built up much anticipation. I told The Boy and anyone who would listen (like Groom and his wife) the stupidity of the bet that BUB lost to PHG. The terms of his loss stated that he was to cross-dress and it’s obvious he’s only fakely modest since he built a whole event around his unveiling in cross-dress.

The event took place at Choran’s because BUB’s closest friends (King, Gameboy, Gora Guy) live in such configurations (condo, has tenants, lives at home, respectively) that could not support an event, especially if it turned wild. Choran just started dating one of PHG’s new friends so he’s willing to have the event literally in his backyard.

I took great care about my appearance using the event as motivation to lose weight (5 lbs. to date) since receiving the invitation several weeks ago and purchase a new dress for the occasion. Day-of preparation included arduous blow-drying of my hair (otherwise it would be very slightly wavy), a new coat of toe nail polish, my “bronzer” routine, lip colour, and coincidentally perfect eyebrows. I wore bling-bling rhinestone-studded hoop earrings and a multiple-stranded faux pearl bracelet. I knew that likely the girls would wear a sassy top and a slutty skirt, that things would ride up and down as they sat and stood up so I looked for a dress that hit high enough on my thighs to be sassy. I wore tight and short yoga shorts so I wouldn’t flash anyone ever. And instead of the cliche strappy black sandals, I wored my favourite pair of espadrilles (cork wedges) that made my short legs look like they went on forever. :S I also brought a maroon-gold pashmina shawl to wrap around my shoulders should I get cold, and big and mysterious sunglasses.

I arrived pretty much on time, much to The Boy’s dismay that I was so eager. I was immediately disappointed for the girls (Candy and awo) were not utter disasters. PHG wore horrendous fake, feathered eyelashes, even if it was getting into the spirit of things.

awo and Candy chortled in delight about going to the mall earlier in their getups to get their fake lashes and the looks they drew. Perhaps Candy was receiving favourable glances but it’s iffy: they have slender legs but looked so cliche in their wardrobe selection. Really.

The girls giggled about how Choran’s place might look like a brothel for an evening as scandily-clad women were piling in and out of it. I joked that if that were so, I was the madam and elicited some agreement that I had pulled off a more classic look of a madam as opposed to her common whores.

I was disappointed because people were sitting around and playing video games and I wanted to shimmy and dance to some hot music. I still had that feeling as the day/evening wore on but that never became a reality.

BUB and PHG hid away in Choran’s room getting BUB ready for cross-dressing. Meanwhile, Choran cooked all of the food.

Of the girls who attended, the ones who dressed up were me, PHG (natch), awo (eeek, eyes hurt), Candy (natch), and one of the nameless girls from above. I don’t know if you consider Libby as having dressed up: she looks like a ho everyday. :o Heather, juta, and the other nameless girl gave excuses for not dressing up.

It turns out PHG arranged for a fashion show and that BUB appeared in several outfits. Originally, BUB stated there would be no cameras or videos but he was not angry when I took videos of his appearances. I even got a video clip where we were talking about how BUB actually craved the attention.

I was happy when Cedric arrived. He’s one of my favourites of The Boy’s good friends. In fact, he’s easier to talk to than Choran, whom I like a bit, too. I feared (and still fear) that Cedric will get pulled into the stupid web and it will be “proved” when he is Facebook friends with awo, Candy, and PHG tomorrow! Fortunately, he does have a stabilizer - he has a wife.

Bert arrived later and as usual, the party did not start until he arrived. I joined awo and Candy in the kitchen when they downed their first three shots. I was not impressed. I was not impressed when one of the girls asked one of the guys, “Do you remember that time when I got that drunk??” Not cool.

The Boy also arrived later and immediately showed disapproval with crossed arms and a frown. I channeled him to take part in video games so he would not be idle and cross.

Bert challenged a few people to drink a combined total of shots that was exorbitant in number. If they did, he would cross dress. I don’t understand why girls new to Bert would gleefully start drinking 10 shots apiece except they are mesmerized by drinking. BUB, being the party host, was also in on the bet.

I was pleased that Choran did not take place in the debauchery - he played video games with the guys and did not have shots with his girlfriend. That The Boy refrained was hardly surprising - sometimes I think he makes a point too strongly. I was mostly ambivalent but observed that Cedric followed the group and watched them trying to drink. I felt like with The Boy around, I could not be a groupie and watch each shot as they were forced down.

awo vomited. It was not cool at all. I would have started dancing and winding to work off the alcohol.

After a few shots, BUB was very warm and friendly. I was sitting on a sofa arm with The Boy on the sofa playing video games. BUB crouched on my other side and put his arm around my waist. We have a plan to go out the next day for some exercise and I told him not to ditch me. I tingled a little to have him push the borders with The Boy around but then I saw him sit next to Libby who rejected his ass and whisper into her ear and be even closer. It made me feel ill.

From the moment The Boy arrived, he wanted to leave, so much he wanted to state his distaste for the people and the immature nature of the meal-turned-party. We milled around for 45 minutes after he arrived anyways.

It was difficult for me to come to terms with leaving. When you have someone to leave with, you want to leave only after all the notables/good stuff is done. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone people were lingering there still at 1 a.m., 10 hours after arriving. But when was Cedric or party-maker Bert going to leave? I blurted my excuse several times over: “I have an early day tomorrow!” Truth be told, to stay longer and not want to gouge out my eyeballs, I would have to start drinking. And I just couldn’t bear to add those empty calories to my already extravagant intake for the afternoon/evening.

(At least The Boy and I were there at what might be “the party of the year”, the party that some people will return to while reminiscing. That is inexplicably important to me.)

When we left, we could laugh about everyone to our heart’s content.

I’m happy that he knows that of the girls present when he was there - Libby, PHG, Candy, awo, and juta - I have natural beauty and he is appreciative. Libby might look more put-together than any of us but she also choses to look like a regular skank and her daily routine is to expertly put on a pancake-thickness of make-up. We don’t know what she looks like for real and every guy knows that deep down.

I would be happier if I knew that all of the guys likewise concluded that not only did I have the most sense but I was most attractive. But that’s just one of my issues.

I have low self-esteem.

Gee, is that old news or what?

I was ranting to Lil’ Sis feigning as if I cared about my friends, ranting about Backup Boy’s (BUB) “new” friends corrupting him to the point of calling them “poisonous”. I could admit that when it came down to it, I didn’t want to feel as if [BUB+SO] is more fabulous than [The Boy+Me].

I think I consider The Boy as a deadweight. Meanwhile, the guys I fancy being more along my line, BUB and The Boy’s BFF#2 (Choran), are single and trying to change that situation. If they hook up with girls more adventurous and fabulous than The Boy, then [The Boy+Me] lose. =(

Lil’ Sis can quickly and easily identify that I lack self-esteem.

My competitive spirit goes far back… 10 years… to being so jealous and fixated on the girls “boyfriends” dated after me that the otherwise normal girls seem like untouchably unique and superior beings. Let me run through the cases.

After I “cheated” on Big Ex, he emotionally tortured me by casting his eyes on many girls at school. We didn’t know their names so we gave them nicknames, like “Nike Chick”. He was unkind to me, telling me that I looked generic while “Nike Chick” (who was always seen with “Nike Dude”) was amazingly exotic.

White Knight (WK), The Republican (REP), and Indie are non-boyfriends who have demonstrated a fetish/inclination for women from my culture.
* WK has been married for a few years and hosted a webpage detailing their love story (barf). She’s an unsophisticated waif he met in The Motherland but I insist that she’s hauntingly beautiful and the ridiculous difference in their heights looks seems hot.
* After the fiasco with REP, I was in full-on stalker mode. First, I saw him go back to his “ex”, the desperate girl who slept with him while he and I were together and then gave him an ultimatum that split us up. When I could no longer talk to him, his constant companion blossomed in my mind from the hopelessly roly-poly unsophisticated wench she actually was. Then the entire department watched in amusement as he had a desperate crush on a legitimately funky-cool Motherlander girl who split her time between REP and her Motherlander boyfriend.
* It seems that Indie found love after I unhooked my talons from him (they are still together, as gleaned from his social-networking updates). She’s kind of adorable and I convince myself further of my hideousness that precludes natural cuteness.

I cannot access The One’s social-networking page but I can access his girlfriend’s. Truthfully, she looks like a chipmunk with too-prominent cheekbones. But she is on the brink of the World’s Most Fabulous Career and has a slight build that speaks volumes of her self-control. With those two things under her belt and several trips to The Motherland with The One, and The One also embarking on the World’s Most Fabulous Career, they are the World’s Most Fabulous Couple.

Most recently, Choran has a “girlfriend”, a girl The Boy told me he would be most interested in of BUB’s “new” friends. Innocently, The Boy told me that the girl, Candy, and I have some similarities in our appearances. And that Choran, whom I would date in a heartbeat, is with her elevates her to a stratospheric status if I’m not careful.

When I met her, I thought her face was fat and round and she doesn’t do herself justice with youthful and bubblegum eye colours. Her body is generally non-descript - too chunky, especially standing next to Motherlanders. But she parties as hard as the next one so they accept her. Now that she and Choran are an item, I look at her differently.

It’s a twisted version of snarkily asking, “What does she have that I don’t?” but going further to distort her real attributes. Careful or I’ll think of her as some leggy supermodel simply because she is taller than I am and The Boy tells me that proportionally, her booty is enviously smaller than mine!

Finally, the way BUB is socializing within an inch of his life sets fear in me: what if he has the sensibility to snag and get snagged by a truly worthy girl? I would die of jealousy of the cool things they would do, the places they would go to, and the hottest gadgets they would always have. Thus I would be happiest if he was snapped up by a girl I do not deem worthy and as long as he’s happy… of course.

For various reasons, I’m on track to train more often this week than I have in more weeks than I care to remember.

* My BMI sucks. Even if you consider me to be “athletically built” and hence more muscular than the index was intended for, it still sucks. It’s 25-26 right now, or “Overweight” by the regular (American) standards. Did you know that Asians do not need to be in the “Oveweight” range to have increased heart disease risk? That means to be healthy, Asians necessarily have to be smaller - that’s my interpretation.
* The Boy and I got a digital scale and my weight to one decimal place glares back at me. I am now sorely and exactly accountable.
* Training Buddy gave me a much-needed pep talk. To improve this year or at any time, I have to be willing to be uncomfortable. Yech. I have obviously been avoiding that and I’m sick and tired of feeling like I’m sliding backwards in my conditioning.
* I get giddy as I fulfill my training sessions and can report them on my Internet-based calendar that I share with The Boy, Backup Boy (BUB), and Girlfight Girl (GFG). Yeah, I know, it’s twisted that we share with each other… a topic for another day.
* Last, but certainly not least, The Boy’s BFF#2 (Choran) told me that his new “girlfriend” told him that she manages to train five times a week, with no goal in mind. However much I scoff at the verity of this tidbit — who hasn’t exaggerated to impress a new boyfriend?? — I don’t want her to be “ahead” of me, the seasoned athlete!

I feel like I have written one of these “Quickie Updates” recently. Maybe it was for the other blog. I don’t mean to forget about my blog(s) but I seem to these days to some extent. I’m not getting other things done and this gets shelved.

So, what’s happened since my last post (that wasn’t a book review)?

* Lil’ Sis rounded out her trip, I went back home for a bit, and I’ve been back in La-la Lotusland for a little over a week
* The One graduated and he and his girlfriend have taken their newly minted fabulous doctor selves to The Motherland for their third or fourth trip in their two years together. (Envy much?)
* I got nervous that what was promised to me at work wasn’t going to happen but it is!! Aside from a better position, I’m no longer going to be a temporary bloke in their eyes!
* On track for a three- (or four!) session week in terms of training. I’m signed up for a bunch of races to keep me going. Training Buddy gave me a much-deserved pep talk last week.
* The Boy and my anniversary looms in the horizon. What to get him??

Other bigger topics to pontificate upon have come up but these are the little scraps that are in the works.

I truly wish I had the sense to read a book like Katrina Firlik’s Another Day in the Frontal Lobe during my formative years. Instead, I was reading “fantasy” fiction like Sweet Valley High that is junkier and more superficial (glossing just the surface) than television ever is. In general, to learn, I need to read rather than learn about something through visuals and auditory input like television, like the medical drama ER.

If I had read this book in my youth with an open and receptive mind, I may have appreciated the different specialties and subspecialties of medicine and how, after medical school, there’s a specialty that caters to everyone’s personality. Don’t like people? Pathologists don’t deal so much with people. Don’t like blood? Psychiatry or radiology. Want normal hours? Several specialities have sane hours and the doctors are not on call. Want to be like a researcher? Pathologists work in a lab. Want a repetitive job yet have a “Dr.” title? General medicine.

I also wish I knew that not all nurses are triage nurses and that ones who get into administration (and some other specialties) can demote the importance of bedside manner. Who could have forecasted that nurses these days can have more responsibility and become nurse practitioners?

A female cousin of mine went through neurosurgery training, also in the States, so I felt like I was reading my cousin’s memoir. In fact, I could convince myself that the author, from her author picture, looks like my cousin!

I enjoyed most the earlier chapters of the novel where Firlik exposed more of the how to be to be a neurosurgeon while the later chapters were philosophical about “why” and issues and so forth.

A co-worker noticed my recent space of “medical” novels: midwives in The Birth House, short stories in Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures, and finally Another Day in the Frontal Lobe. She remarked, “Gee, you should be a nurse!” It was meant, of course, with the idea of a triage nurse. Gee, Co-Worker, you don’t actually know me!

I’ll leave you with two quotes that impressed me.

* Firlik writes about the big decision to become a neurosurgeon. Her description easily fits for the decision to get a Ph.D. I love how she makes a developmental biology analogy. :D

“The decision to become a neurosurgeon places you on a track that runs, unabated, through a seven-year tunnel … At the end of the tunnel, the formerly undifferentiated M.D. emerges as an exquisitely super-specialized neurosurgeon, squinting at the rest of the world - a rare animal dominating a small niche within the ecosystem of medicine. At that point, you feel unqualified to do anything else, even if you had any lingering thoughts about a career change.”

* In the following quote, Firlik champions her specialty. As if we needed any convincing.
“I love watching the Parade of Nations during the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. As the athletes stream into the stadium, I read off the name of each country and remark on how many athletes follow along behind each sign. I have a special affection for the smaller nations with smaller representation, like Malta and East Timor. I root for these athletes. In the world of medicine, neurosurgery is one of the smaller countries with fewer athletes trailing behind its sign. Internal medicine, pediatrics, obstetrics, and gynecology, to name just a few - those are much larger. There’s no need to feel sorry for us, though. We’re well trained. As a nation, we don’t struggle that much. Neurosurgery is similar to one of the Scandanavian countries - small but elite and with an impressive gross domestic product relative to its size. In fact, at large academic medical centers, our economy often helps support the more populous but less economically sound Sudans of medicine. You might consider rooting for one of them.

Still around. I posted last only two weeks ago but I feel like I have been away forever.

Lil’ Sis has been here nearly two weeks and we’ll be off to Smallville together in less than a week.

The Boy and I blew up at each other several times because he’s not used to being sidelined and I was quite callous about it. I’m trying harder these days, I guess, and we aren’t soooo angry at each other.

In work news, I met my replacement today. She’s going on vacation tonight and, as I said, I’m gone for a bit next week. Throw in a stat holiday and it turns out that that I’ve got four days before my holiday and then ten days after I get back before I move into my new position. An increase in income, benefits, the whole she-bang. :D

I find that med student Jennifer Hawke posts quotations that feel relevant to me. She has also been through the wringer with academic choices. In case her post some day goes offline, I’ve reproduced the quotes she recently offered.

The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn’t matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark.
~ Barbara Hall

Of course there is no formula for success except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.
~ Arthur Rubinstein

Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.
~ Reggie Leach

To wit, if she and I were to define success as a tidy four-year undergraduate immediately followed by graduate/professional school of your choice and dreams and then earning six-figures by the time we’re 30, then we are woefully failures in life. That is the definition of a different generation. That is the definition that will wreck more lives than it bolsters. The correct definition amidst the above three quotations.

Ironically, I’m reading the memoir of a female neurosurgeon. Two books ago, I was reading another doctor’s novel. A co-worker commented on the theme and suggested that I consider being a nurse.

(Hah! I bet she hasn’t put it all together to know how old I am nor does she know what I’ve been through that I wouldn’t restart with a nursing career.)

I thought I would be horribly depressed reading two medical novels but I must be resigned afterall. I’m just waiting for it to come through the grapevine that The One and his girlfriend got the residency of their dreams, both in Lotusland, and got engaged to make their 2008 most auspicious.

When I first heard of this novel, I wanted to read it. I have this thing about reading the works of Motherlander-Americans, as if one of them one day can answer all of my identity questions. But with the shambles that was my life grieving for losing The One as a boyfriend, I refrained. It’s for the same reason that I don’t watch that gripping drama, Grey’s Anatomy: With the “unresolved issues” about breaking up with being dumped by The One, I couldn’t bear to face unnecessarily images of future doctors coupling with other future doctors, all of them leading fabulously glamourous lives.

Then the book won a prestigious national prize and I kept it on my radar…

So far, I have read several chapters and here are some of my thoughts.

Ming, the female protagonist, figures prominently in the first two short stories and I couldn’t sympathize with her. While being deluded about maintaining a platonic relationship with her study buddy, she is also rather cruel to him; I can see her Motherlander upbringing in her “reasoning” and actions, but a Western onlooker will only see cruelty… and delightfully exotic reticence. The author, Mr. Lam, exposed how calculating one has to be to get into medical school; Ming and Fitzgerald, the male protagonist, philosophized about the purity of their career intentions but ultimately the procedural method was the successful method to get a crack at their dream careers.

The third chapter was more emotional and not just because I’m internalizing the stories.

When they are apart, Fitzgerald’s desperation reminds me of the times when Big Ex was in the wrong and repentent and suffocating. To be fair, we each took turns having times when we were completely lacking in dignity. When Ming became cold and business-like about the relationship, it reminded me of how I was with The Boytoy.

Most of all, the third chapter illustrated how a couple drifts apart when one of them is in medical school in a different city, even when the other one will be at the same school just a year later. The author, probably being semi-autobiographical, confirms that in the wild world of medical school, school becomes your life, your study group is your everything: study partners, lab partners, default friends, roomates, dining companions, wake-up call, everything.

(The One told me about an official “recommendation” at his school to not date within your class - why did he tell me this? - and so he resisted until the vixen, a girl in his study group, relentlessly wooed him.)

Had I read the first three chapters just two years ago, I would be feeling all manners of emotional pain. I have personally lived through the first three chapters and remember only the bad parts.

The fourth chapter was boring. :P It’s far more interesting - and abbreviated - to watch resuscitation after an MI on ER than it is to read it!

Just to let you know, one of the characters I’ve encountered so far as the same name as The One. :P

And it’s all okay. I am finally over it all. (’Til he tells me he’s marrying the vixen!)

Happy and Hopeful

I had a training session yesterday wherein lots of activities outside of training together were mentioned. One training buddy mentioned a special screening that would interest the majority of us training together. Another buddy said we could go for a night-time winter activity soon, a fun summer activity, and a trip and race in the fall! My training buddies are extremely decent people and I wish I could be less prickly around them. It’s due to my “work stress”, I’ll say.

Exhilerated and Stimulated

In the evening, The Boy and I joined Back-Up Boy (BUB) and his new friends at a quinessentially Motherlander type of restaurant. I love those restaurants. I love the vibe and the food. The Boy and I arrived an hour later than the stated gathering time but probably only 15 minutes after most of the people showed up. The group consisted of Party Hardy Girl (PHG), BUB, Heather, and five of PHG’s friends (3 male, 2 female).

BUB was sitting at the end of the long table with two girls he met at separate singles events: Heather and one of PHG’s good friends. You’d think that it’s awkward but when some of these people treat singles events seemingly just to increase your social network, there’s no hard feelings when the dates don’t work out and they try to defy the myth that men and women can’t be friends (after dating).

Anyways, despite not condoning much of the activities I heard of - co-ed video game-playing till dawn? bumping and grinding at a club? boozing and smoking? - and not knowing the half of the people they gossiped about, I held my own in being witty, I think.

When you’re single, you so badly want a permanent partner. But when you’re in a couple with party hardy friends, it looks awfully fun to be able to have transient alliances and complete autonomy. I must remember to cherish above all what I have with The Boy.

Angry and Jealous

I know, I’m so unreasonable. Unbeknownst to him, I got angry at BUB because I noticed that he had improved at the game by leaps and bounds. I got angry because The Boy claims to be a natural in whatever he tackles but I believe it more of BUB who has not boasted of that to me. I got paranoid that when BUB’s at home, he’s studying and practicing how to be that elusively cool Motherlander who has the elements to make a real Motherlander feel comfortable but knows better and incorporates the best of both worlds. I thought I laid claim to “elusively cool Motherlander” first….

I’m jealous because he can date three girls and go on trips with others and they can all sit at the same table and have fun. I’m angry that he might not tell me who he’s dating unless I pry. I’m angry because when we were playing, he kept looking away, explaining that he was concerned that new-to-the-group Heather was lonely. I’m angry because he falls all over himself to be helpful and resourceful and hence he’s becomes the “goto guy” constantly taking phone calls: he’s interested in the things that interest Motherlanders, male and female alike, like mobile phones, cars, going out, and trying new things. I’m angry because I feel like he’s changing and pandering and it’s not cool and it’s disappointing and sickening.

Frustrated and Sad

BUB has a life-embracing attitude that I pride myself in having. (He has not surpassed me in that!) Work Crush has the body that I desire in a guy. But BUB is proving himself as trying too hard to please and I’ve learned from being with The One that I’ll be constant worried with a guy I believe to be a hot commodity that someone else will charm him away.

Still, I wish The Boy would play up the qualities he has similar to these guys. I must be mentioning it the wrong way because he balks and insults the examples I raise.