Happy and Hopeful

I had a training session yesterday wherein lots of activities outside of training together were mentioned. One training buddy mentioned a special screening that would interest the majority of us training together. Another buddy said we could go for a night-time winter activity soon, a fun summer activity, and a trip and race in the fall! My training buddies are extremely decent people and I wish I could be less prickly around them. It’s due to my “work stress”, I’ll say.

Exhilerated and Stimulated

In the evening, The Boy and I joined Back-Up Boy (BUB) and his new friends at a quinessentially Motherlander type of restaurant. I love those restaurants. I love the vibe and the food. The Boy and I arrived an hour later than the stated gathering time but probably only 15 minutes after most of the people showed up. The group consisted of Party Hardy Girl (PHG), BUB, Heather, and five of PHG’s friends (3 male, 2 female).

BUB was sitting at the end of the long table with two girls he met at separate singles events: Heather and one of PHG’s good friends. You’d think that it’s awkward but when some of these people treat singles events seemingly just to increase your social network, there’s no hard feelings when the dates don’t work out and they try to defy the myth that men and women can’t be friends (after dating).

Anyways, despite not condoning much of the activities I heard of - co-ed video game-playing till dawn? bumping and grinding at a club? boozing and smoking? - and not knowing the half of the people they gossiped about, I held my own in being witty, I think.

When you’re single, you so badly want a permanent partner. But when you’re in a couple with party hardy friends, it looks awfully fun to be able to have transient alliances and complete autonomy. I must remember to cherish above all what I have with The Boy.

Angry and Jealous

I know, I’m so unreasonable. Unbeknownst to him, I got angry at BUB because I noticed that he had improved at the game by leaps and bounds. I got angry because The Boy claims to be a natural in whatever he tackles but I believe it more of BUB who has not boasted of that to me. I got paranoid that when BUB’s at home, he’s studying and practicing how to be that elusively cool Motherlander who has the elements to make a real Motherlander feel comfortable but knows better and incorporates the best of both worlds. I thought I laid claim to “elusively cool Motherlander” first….

I’m jealous because he can date three girls and go on trips with others and they can all sit at the same table and have fun. I’m angry that he might not tell me who he’s dating unless I pry. I’m angry because when we were playing, he kept looking away, explaining that he was concerned that new-to-the-group Heather was lonely. I’m angry because he falls all over himself to be helpful and resourceful and hence he’s becomes the “goto guy” constantly taking phone calls: he’s interested in the things that interest Motherlanders, male and female alike, like mobile phones, cars, going out, and trying new things. I’m angry because I feel like he’s changing and pandering and it’s not cool and it’s disappointing and sickening.

Frustrated and Sad

BUB has a life-embracing attitude that I pride myself in having. (He has not surpassed me in that!) Work Crush has the body that I desire in a guy. But BUB is proving himself as trying too hard to please and I’ve learned from being with The One that I’ll be constant worried with a guy I believe to be a hot commodity that someone else will charm him away.

Still, I wish The Boy would play up the qualities he has similar to these guys. I must be mentioning it the wrong way because he balks and insults the examples I raise.

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